Two honest-to-God text message conversations I had today around 9am. The first being between with some jackass I've never met before, the second one with my known-for-22-years-best-friend.
Jackass: Hey sexy lady! Saw your post on backpage.. I wanna do some anal.
Me: Call me to set up a time. Prostate or strap-on?
Jackass: No, will you let me fuck you in the ass?
Me: Hey douchenozzle, where in my postings, website or blog does it say anything about fucking my ass being a possibility?
Jackass: whatever fuck you
10 minutes later....
Jackass: what about head?
Out of frustration, I texted my friend after the "head" request..
Me: Is 930am too early to make mojitos?
My best friend: Yes, it's too early to make mojitos.
Me: I thought so.. but what about..(never finished this one because my lovely bestie read my mind as a result of knowing me too well and sent this one next)...
My best friend: And yes, Kool-Aid and Southern Comfort is not an appropriate breakfast beverage either, even if there is Vitamin C in the Kool-Aid and the Southern Comfort is made out of oranges.
Dammit. She knows me too well. Or am I just too predictable?
Five o'clock can't get here soon enough.
Today's song in honor of the moron who texted me is:
No comments:
Post a Comment