I can't believe I have to write about this

 Originally posted 9-15-2011

So, I had an appointment today. Prostate play with a regular partner.  An issue came up that I've dealt with before with him, and LOTS of others.  And, it really pains me to think that I have to clarify that this is a problem for me. 

Please don't come to see me for ass-play with an ass full of shit.

There. I said it. I wish you could see how red my face is now.

I'm not an idiot. When you love ass-play as much as I do, you have to accept that sometimes, it might not be as pretty as it could be.  I get that. Really, I do.   And I don't get freaked out if there is a little bit of odor, or a MINOR issue.  But, it's nice if someone tries their best to make sure they are clean and ready to be penetrated before they come to see me.

Because, seriously? It's embarassing as fuck when I stick my finger in, feel something and have to look at you and say "Hon, you need to go use the bathroom. You have stuff in there."  And, I don't expect it's any more comfortable for you, either.

Here's a little ASS 101 for those of you out there who need to brush up on your rectum reading...

1) The last few inches of your digestive system (aka: the first 6-8 inches of your ass and moving inward from your asshole) are going to be empty 90% of the time.  The only time you have something of signifigant size in there is when you get that feeling of something being there and you think "Ok, I have to go use the bathroom."   That's why those small disposable enemas are so handy.  When there's nothing major going on in there, a couple rinses with one of those is usually enough to clear the pipes completely.    Sometimes there can be something bigger higher up, in which case you'll figure that out when you use the disposable enemas.  It'll start coming out, and you know to rinse a couple extra times.

2) If it feels like you have something in there, YOU PROBABLY DO.  In which case, you need to use the bathroom before playing in the backyard(my term).  and then use a "light"(disposable) enema to rinse everything out .

3) Those disposable enemas you buy at the drugestore that come already filled with a rinsing liquid? The bottles are great, but the liquid needs to go. Whenever I use a disposable enema, the first thing I do is open it up, and pour the pre-filled contents down my sink, then I rinse them out before using plain old tap water for the actual enema.  Why do I do this? Because the liquid that comes in the enema is a saline solution (salt water) with high concentrations of sodium.  Your rectum/colon absorbs the sodium, which in turn pulls fluid from other parts of your body to fill the colon so that anything in there flows out easier.  Why is this bad? For starters, it can dehydrate you if you use more than 1 of these rinses, and the excess fluid that keeps getting routed to your colon from other parts of your body (thanks to the salt)  can cause cramping and the involuntary "push things out of you" spasm/cramping, which is counter-productive to me putting anything IN there.  That liquid is designed to make you not constipated. To get things that are stuck in there out.  If you aren't constipated, the sodium mixture is superfluous and unnecessary. 

4) If you are one of those guys considerate enough to give yourself a big enema before coming to see me, like with one of the enema bags, do us both  a favor and make sure that you are done with the enema at least 2-3 hours before seeing me.  I ask this because it can take that long to get everything drained out of you.  This is why when I do big  enema sessions, I do NOT combine them with ass-play, nor do I do enema sessions that last less than 90 minutes.  It really amazes me how some people are so out of tune with their bodies that they can't tell that they have stuff in there that's gonna come spraying out whenever it feels like it. 
The first couple of times I did big enema sessions, the guys wanted ass-play afterwards.  Since I was new at this, I went ahead and did the ass-play even though I had my doubts (what have I learned most from this profession? To trust my instincts).  Wanna guess what happened? Let me paint you a picture:

Ever sat in the front row, center stage at a Gallagher concert?  

In these cases, it wasn't watermelon I was being sprayed with.  Yeah. That really happened to me.  A  few times.  Why? Because these guys didn't believe me when I told them it takes longer than 5-10 minutes for 2 quarts of fluid and matter  to drain out of the twisty-turny tunnel that is their colon, and they refused to extend the session.  And after getting sprayed with liquid feces, I wasn't in the mood to extend it on my own time.   So, after getting a bustier, skirt, 2 pairs of pants, and a pair of leather boots ruined, I gave up on the ass-play/enema combo platter.   Now when I do enema sessions, the reason I insist they be longer is so that the guys are less likely to shit themselves on the drive home since they've been at my place using the bathroom for a longer period of time.

5) When giving yourself an enema, either use go the disposable route, or use an enema bag set up ($12 at your local Walgreens or CVS, usually located in the feminine hygeine aisle, for some reason-probably because most of those kits come with 2 insertable attachments-1 for enemas, 1 for vaginal douching).  I do NOT recommend using one of those hoses that attaches to your bathroom sink or shower.  For one reason, you're susceptible to temperature fluctuations in the water that's coming through the pipes. You don't want it too warm or too cool and if someone turns the cold water on elsewhere in your house, or if you're running your washing machine or anything, you might get a blast of hot water.  Another reason is because sometimes even the best pipes act up and you don't want to accidentally blast yourself with too much water pressure.  If you buy an enema bag kit and it came with 2 nozzles, get rid of the enema nozzle and just use the douche one.  It's longer, and wider, but it's more likely to stay in your ass of it's own accord than the enema nozzle is and the flow out of it is gentler.  When you're enemizing yourself, it can be tricky and sometimes it's difficult to hold the nozzle in your butt and adjust the flow of the water out of the bag as needed.  Lay on your side (whichever is comfortable) and reach behind you to insert the nozzle,  or on your back, and reach down between your legs.  It also helps a lot if you lube up a finger and slide it in your ass first, just to get your ass used to something in there, and to make it easier to slide the nozzle in.  Lube will need to be reapplied before every insertion of the nozzle.  Oh, and the higher you hang the bag, the faster the water will come out of it.  Personally, I don't recommend anything higher than 3 feet the first few times you do this yourself, and some might even say lower than that.  That's just my comfort zone.  Once you get more practiced at this, you'll get better at guaging how high you can hang the bag, and it'll become easier to learn to adjust the water flow by using the clamp on the hose.

6)  Now...you've filled yourself (you don't have to "fill" yourself per se, smaller amounts will work, too-that's just how I'm telling the story) with body-temperature water, and you're sitting on the commode, and...it's not coming out.  That's fine.  It will come out.  Chances are, it's just working on the stuff it's run into up there, and will be coming out shortly. Grab a book and sit awhile.  If it's still coming out too slow for you, get up and walk around (do NOT do jumping jacks like a moron I used to know did once-it took him 3 hours to clean up the resultant mess and he had to throw his bathroom rug away and get a new shower curtain).  Walk into your bedroom and lay on your stomach (gently) for a minute or two or three.  I promise you, it will come out.   Usually, it takes no more than 2-3 hours to void it all.  Any liquid that stays in there will just be absorbed into your body.  How do you know when you're pretty darned clean?  When it starts running out and its clear.  Sometimes, this can take a few fill-ups(another one of my terms).  

Ok.  Now that ASS 101 class is over, just a few more anecdotes and a story or two.

One of the reasons I love fisting my boy so much is because he is anal(pun intended) about only presenting himself to me when he is absolutely clean, inside and out.  If I summon him to come over, he respectfully asks for time to clean up, and I gladly give it to him.  And there have been a couple of times when he's called me back and politely asked if we could reschedule because he's just not rinsing as clean as he would like to and he doesn't want me to encounter any unpleasantness.  I LOVE this boy.   

In my career, I encountered a client who asked for ass-play when booking, and when I arrived, he undressed and laid on his stomach on his bed (he preferred this position) and when I put my gloves on and reached down to spread his cheeks, he had so much caked on (as in a bunch of layers of dry, covered with a bunch of layers of moist) fecal matter that his ass cheeks actually CRACKLED when I went to pull them apart.  It was...indescribable.  I thought I was going to be sick.  I don't mean just near his asshole, I mean all up his crack.  I let go of his cheeks like they were hot potatoes, and said "You need to go take a shower. You're really really dirty back there."   And, I played fetch with his dog while he showered.  

Another time, right after I started pro'ing, I went to see a gentleman and he had an ass full of shit.  I was new and somewhat timid, so I didn't say anything, just dealt with the filth and the shit fumes.  Afterwards, when I took off my gloves (and you guys wonder why I always double-glove my hands) and went immediately to the bathroom to wash up, he casuallhy asked "So how dirty am I down there?"  I was apalled at how he just expected himself to be dirty.  He was the reason I started keeping disposable enemas handy.  

Another time, a guy booked for prostate, and I couldn't even get my finger in past the first knuckle because he was so full.  I took my hand out, took off my gloves and said "I'm sorry, but I can't do this, you're completely packed with matter in there." He said "Oh. Really?" My God, how did he not feel that??  

I know it can be embarassing to say "Mistress, I think I have to use the restroom before we play." but, it'll be much more embarassing if I have to TELL you you need to use the restroom.  

By the way, for those of you who buy yourself an enema bag kit, I know they can be confusing.  If you want, bring it with you on your next appointment with me, and I will be happy to take a few minutes of my own time putting it together for you and showing you how it works.