A hilarious post that I read on someone's Fetlife profile, and reprinted with permission

Miss Jenny, a Mistress from Victorville, CA posted this wonderful and hilarious (and so damn true) story/dialogue on her Fetlife profile.  It so clearly illustrates the types of questions and requests that us Mistresses get rather frequently. I loved it so much that I contacted her and asked permission to repost this.  Very tongue-in-cheek, and unfortunately, completely spot-on. 

Enjoy!!

ring ring

"Hello, Domme-ino's Pizza."

Um, uh... is this the pizza place?

"Yes, I just said that. How can I help you?"

Um, how much are your pizzas?

"It all depends on the toppings and the size you want."

What all do you have?

"We have a full menu and price list on our website."

Um, what IS a pizza?

"Seriously? Google it.
Or go to a pizza-munch, read "Screw the Sauce, Send me the Crust". Go to a class by Chef Melissa at Pepperoni of Decadence."

But I want YOU to tell me what all you have.

(Sigh)
"We have the normal, traditional TOPpings. Our specialty is Canadian BaconTomato and the Roman pizza with everything on it. Again, we have a website with a full menu."

What sizes do you have?

"Personal, small, medium, large and extra-large."

How much for just a slice?

"We don't sell pizza by the slice, you have to at least get a personal."

Can I get a Gyro or a Span a cockita with my pizza?

"We don't do Greek."

Can I get Crêpes?

"We don't do French - we are an authentic pizza place."

Toss a salad for me?

"Nope, you'll have to go to Black Anus for that."

Can I see pix of the pizza?

"We have pix on our website."

But I wanna see more. And without the box and closeups of the cheese.

"We don't serve pizza without the box; it's unsanitary."

Well, can't you just take a pic with your phone and send it to me? I want proof that the pizza is real.

"No. The pix on the website are more than sufficient. And we have reputable reviews on Yelp."

Ok. Do you deliver?

"No, we're dine-in only."

But I don't have gas money to get there!

"If you can't afford the gas, I don't think you can afford the pizza, hun."

Well, how much is it for just a personal pizza?

"Personal pizzas start at $5."

But I only have $3. Can I have a personal pizza for $3?

"No."

Can I get half of a personal pizza?

(laughs) No.

What can I get for $3?

"Nuffin."

Can I wash dishes for a free pizza?

"No, we have plenty of employees here."

Can I apply to be an employee?

"But you just said that you don't even know what a pizza is. Even if I wasn't fully staffed, I have a waiting list of experienced pizza boys."

Well, I think I can scrape together enough money for a personal Cane-adian bacon pizza and gas. I'll come now.

"Your pizza won't be ready for about 45 minutes. It needs cook time and there are several customers ahead of you."

But I'm hungry now! And I can only drive my Mom's car now.

"I'm sorry, you need to phone ahead."

Can I come at 10pm?

"No, the dining hall is booked for a party."

Can I come at 6am?

"No, we're closed. Our business hours are posted on the website."

Will you stay open late so I can get a pizza?

"Not for just a personal pizza."

Well, can I at least come down and have a taste of the pizza to make sure I like it?

"No, we don't give out free samples."

Can I come watch the pizzas being made?

"Only on class night, and there's an admission fee."

Can I have pizza at these classes?

"Yes, for an additional fee."

Oh, that's no good. Can I come down now and watch other people eating their pizzas to see how much they're enjoying it?

"No. My customers like to eat in peace."

What kind of pizza making utensils do you use?

"The normal - the big wooden paddle, the Wartenburg pizza slicer, the cheese cell-popper.... again, all detailed in the website."

Can I bring my own Hibatchi for you to cook the pizza with?

"Hibatchis aren't used in pizza making, that's all we do here."

Um, that's ok. Thanks. -click-

And off he went to look at online pix of Jack in 'er Box tacos...

Cos that's what he thinks pizza really is.