A hilarious post that I read on someone's Fetlife profile, and reprinted with permission

Miss Jenny, a Mistress from Victorville, CA posted this wonderful and hilarious (and so damn true) story/dialogue on her Fetlife profile.  It so clearly illustrates the types of questions and requests that us Mistresses get rather frequently. I loved it so much that I contacted her and asked permission to repost this.  Very tongue-in-cheek, and unfortunately, completely spot-on. 

Enjoy!!

ring ring

"Hello, Domme-ino's Pizza."

Um, uh... is this the pizza place?

"Yes, I just said that. How can I help you?"

Um, how much are your pizzas?

"It all depends on the toppings and the size you want."

What all do you have?

"We have a full menu and price list on our website."

Um, what IS a pizza?

"Seriously? Google it.
Or go to a pizza-munch, read "Screw the Sauce, Send me the Crust". Go to a class by Chef Melissa at Pepperoni of Decadence."

But I want YOU to tell me what all you have.

(Sigh)
"We have the normal, traditional TOPpings. Our specialty is Canadian BaconTomato and the Roman pizza with everything on it. Again, we have a website with a full menu."

What sizes do you have?

"Personal, small, medium, large and extra-large."

How much for just a slice?

"We don't sell pizza by the slice, you have to at least get a personal."

Can I get a Gyro or a Span a cockita with my pizza?

"We don't do Greek."

Can I get Crêpes?

"We don't do French - we are an authentic pizza place."

Toss a salad for me?

"Nope, you'll have to go to Black Anus for that."

Can I see pix of the pizza?

"We have pix on our website."

But I wanna see more. And without the box and closeups of the cheese.

"We don't serve pizza without the box; it's unsanitary."

Well, can't you just take a pic with your phone and send it to me? I want proof that the pizza is real.

"No. The pix on the website are more than sufficient. And we have reputable reviews on Yelp."

Ok. Do you deliver?

"No, we're dine-in only."

But I don't have gas money to get there!

"If you can't afford the gas, I don't think you can afford the pizza, hun."

Well, how much is it for just a personal pizza?

"Personal pizzas start at $5."

But I only have $3. Can I have a personal pizza for $3?

"No."

Can I get half of a personal pizza?

(laughs) No.

What can I get for $3?

"Nuffin."

Can I wash dishes for a free pizza?

"No, we have plenty of employees here."

Can I apply to be an employee?

"But you just said that you don't even know what a pizza is. Even if I wasn't fully staffed, I have a waiting list of experienced pizza boys."

Well, I think I can scrape together enough money for a personal Cane-adian bacon pizza and gas. I'll come now.

"Your pizza won't be ready for about 45 minutes. It needs cook time and there are several customers ahead of you."

But I'm hungry now! And I can only drive my Mom's car now.

"I'm sorry, you need to phone ahead."

Can I come at 10pm?

"No, the dining hall is booked for a party."

Can I come at 6am?

"No, we're closed. Our business hours are posted on the website."

Will you stay open late so I can get a pizza?

"Not for just a personal pizza."

Well, can I at least come down and have a taste of the pizza to make sure I like it?

"No, we don't give out free samples."

Can I come watch the pizzas being made?

"Only on class night, and there's an admission fee."

Can I have pizza at these classes?

"Yes, for an additional fee."

Oh, that's no good. Can I come down now and watch other people eating their pizzas to see how much they're enjoying it?

"No. My customers like to eat in peace."

What kind of pizza making utensils do you use?

"The normal - the big wooden paddle, the Wartenburg pizza slicer, the cheese cell-popper.... again, all detailed in the website."

Can I bring my own Hibatchi for you to cook the pizza with?

"Hibatchis aren't used in pizza making, that's all we do here."

Um, that's ok. Thanks. -click-

And off he went to look at online pix of Jack in 'er Box tacos...

Cos that's what he thinks pizza really is.

Recent Playtime Pics

One boy was kind enough to bring me coffee for our early morning playtime, and the bottom picture is that same lucky boy being sensually tortured with a Hitachi by Mistress Mari.  

Back into the swing of things, with a new partner in crime!

Hello out there!

Things are coming along nicely lately, and I'm loving my new space.  Whenever life gets stressful it's nice to be reminded how lucky I am that I have such an amazing outlet to decompress and step away from the world for awhile. 

My roommate, Mari (pronounce MARR-ee [ the 'mar' is pronounced the way it is in 'mars']) is also a kinkstress, a very physical player, who enjoys giving good beatings just as much as I do.  She ended up assisting with a playtime this week, and it was a tremendous success.  When I describe her as a physical player, I mean that what trips her trigger is the physicality of playing, much less so than the psychological or sensual aspect.  She likes to beat hard, and leave marks (if marks are ok, that is).  She's an achingly beautiful, muscle-bound yet small -framed beauty with ebony skin and long braids, and an exotic look reminiscent of Egypt or the Orient.  After the first playtime, I mentioned her to other play partners, and she's been in demand as my partner since. I'll post pictures soon.  If you have an interest in seeing us together (remember, she's a hard player, not a sensual player) an hour session is $250. 

Today, I got to play with a boy that I have played with before. He enjoys corporal punishment, and bondage in the form of chains and shackles.  It was intense, and so relaxing!! Exactly what I needed. I love a good, hard, painful, playtime.  My muscles feel warm and loose afterwards.  AND he brought me a gift: a stock!! Like the kind that you put around someone's neck and wrists.  I am so excited to use this new toy!!

I know... this is a long time coming.

Hello Everyone,

I know I fell off the face of the earth for while (almost 3 months).  Lots of stuff happened, and things have smoothed out considerably. Nothing horrible, just life stuff.  And a few changes.

The biggest change is that I am now no longer in Tempe.  I was renting the house I lived in, and one day the landlord knocked on my door and informed me that the owners decided to "sell". I use quotation marks because I'm pretty sure it went into foreclosure.  Either way, I moved, and I am no longer in Tempe.  I am now renting a house in the Biltmore area, near 12th Street & Camelback.  

I have an entire studio/guesthouse at my disposal full of dungeon equipment. I'm a happy girl!! And a pool, too, of course, I'll have to wait a few months to use it now that the weather is finally breaking.  All things considered, I'm still in a very good place, and I'm still happy, so life is good. As usual.  :) 

Clients are already taking up a lot of my time, and I'm having lots of fun, so please don't hesitate to drop me a text and set up your appointment. Just be willing to be flexible with time.  

Duh.

Duh.

I have decided that I officially hate that word. Why? Because it has no positive connotations whatsoever. It's an insult to the person it is being said to, and supremely illustrates the ignorance and lack of creativity and brainpower of the person saying it. 

Some dumb fucker texted me today about a body rub. Polite with the first message, gave me his name, asked if I was available today. I responded, asked what time, and... here's where it gets interesting.

Him: 3pm. Can you describe your services?

Me: I'm available at 3, and my "service" is simply a body rub. I don't engage in illegal activities. 

Him: Duh.

I thought "hmm. Prick." and ignored him. Just not someone I wanted to spend time with. 

10 minutes go by, and I get this from him:

Him: You have gorgeous lips. 

Me: Your point?

Him: Do you have upgrades?

Seriously??? I wish y'all could have seen the look on my face.  

Me: If you want a longer rub, then, certainly. You can upgrade the time spent with me, but it's still just a rub and my lips don't get involved.

Him: Never? Bummer. No bbbj ever?  

Me: That's illegal.  DUH. 

(for those who might not know, bbbj is "bareback blow job", which in addition to not being something I do, is also totally illegal. Which means, that after "duh"'ing my "no illegal activities" stance, he asked me for...illegal activities. So, yeah, I sunk to his level of stupidity and said it right back to him)

I know, it's been forever since I've written anything, and I'm sorry. Life gets in the way sometimes. I tried to post a video last week, but this forum wouldn't let me for some reason. I'll try to figure out why and post it again soon.

Hugs!

New pics and my birthday is this thursday the 16th...

... and I want to know who's going to come over and hep me celebrate it in kinky style???? I'm available all day thursday, till about 4pm. After that, my nearest and dearest are absconding with me to dinner and then to  one of my favorite places in the world.  So... Help me celebrate it!!

A very dear friend of mine recently went on a trip to the Philippines and brought me back a beautiful, genuine pearl necklace.  I tried to think of a way to properly thank him, and figured a picture is worth a thousand words, so... here they are: 

More fucked up fun at the Stormfront

I had a beautiful man come to see me for the first time today.  He had sen Mistresses before, but no one around her. Handsome, and beautifully fit. Very submissive gent, adn together we enjoyed bondage, spanking, flogging, paddling, some cbt and ass play.  He was s passionate, and responsive that when he comes back to town in a few weeks, he agreed to let me make a video of his session.  I hope he calls back, because I am excited about that!! I took some pictures of our play today and here they are...  

Enjoying some tickle time while he's tied down

MAY SPECIAL!!! IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN!!!

Hi!!

Ok, for all of you who have been regular blog readers, you are already familiar with this, but for you new folks, I'll say it again. 

My birthday is in May.  And all of you know that I've always had a soft spot in my heart for animals.  So, every May, I have my birthday special, and here it is: 

When you book an hour appointment, if you bring along at least $15-20 worth of animal-sherlter donation items, you'll get a 90minute session for the 60 minute donation.  It has to be in donatable items, you can't just give me the extra $20.  You have to work a little for it.  :)

I donate all of these items to my favorite animal shelter, the Arizona Animal Welfare League (www.aawl.org).  They are a no-kill shelter, and I have adopted 2 of my current pets from there. Jezebel the greyhound, and Patches the cat.  Since I also ask my friends for donations in lieu of personal gifts, I usually (from friends alone) end up taking 1 truckload of items down there at the beginning of June. Thanks to my wonderful boys, last year, I took 1 1/2 truckloads. I REALLY want to make it 2 truckloads this year. Help me make it happen, please??

Here's a link to their wish list: https://aawl.org/wish-list



Here are a list of suggested items: 

1) A case of canned Pedigree dog food is about $7.50 at Walmart (pick up 3 of them, and there you go!!)

2) Dog/cat beds (Again relatively inexpensive at Walmart, pick up 2 or 3 of them)

3) A 32 or 40 count box of Friskies cat food (about $13 at Wal-mart) The pate kind, not the flake kind, since the pate kind is easier for kittens to eat. 

4) A grab bag of items such as: Paper towels, bleach, 70% rubbing alcohol, Sharpie markers, 32oz bottles of hand sanitizer, paper plates, dog/cat food bowls, laundry detergent, drawstring trash bags, Simple Green cleaner, scotch tape, copy paper, "Forever" postage stamps....

Last year, when the staff was helping me unload everything, they were SOOOOO grateful.  They asked how come I was bringing in so much stuff, and I just said that my friends came together and all donated for my birthday, and one staff member, with tears in her eyes, said "Well, you have some awesome friends. Please tell them thank you for us."  It really does make a huge difference, and nothing makes me happier than an excuse to go visit all the furry critters and pet every last one of them.

For all you naysayers, and cynics, I do NOT get any recognition from the shelter for this, I get no receipts for tax purposes, and I don't even think they know my name, and I like it that way.  This is not about me, it's about helping the animals. 

Please help!!!

New haircut and a rant, while I'm here

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A virgin butt

I had a perfectly awesome session with a first-time kinkster last night.  He had never done anything kink-wise before, so he did his research, and liked what he saw and read in my ads, site, and on this blog, so he picked me.  I don't care what anyone says.  When someone chooses you, it's a compliment. When they come back for a second visit, it's an even BIGGER compliment. :)

We negotiated the heck out of everything, and I reviewed some things with him, and offered some suggestions.  He was rather enamoured with the idea of erotic tickling, so we put that on the list.  He really wanted to give up control, that was what he kept emphasizing.  So, we spent a little over an hour exploring bondage, spanking, flogging, paddling, tickling (that didn't work out so well since he wasn't as ticklish as he thought), tease & denial, edging, and nipple torture. God, it felt good to take control again and have a slow, sensual session.  I miss those like crazy. But, the more I advertise my kink stuff, the more flakes and no-shows and game players that call me, and...I get disgusted and take my ads down. Sigh. Last nights session reminded me why I love doing those, so I probably won't swear off of them anytime soon.

On a personal front, going to a HUGE kink party tonight. If any pics are taken that I can share here, you can bet that I will.

Happy weekend, kinky fuckers!!!

That "just laid" look

If any of you have ever wondered what I look like after a long, hard tumble with a man who knows exactly how to push my buttons and outlast even ME, here you go.....forgive the tangled hair and no make-up.  It got sex'd off. 

I love the smug, satisfied smile on my face. So did he. 

Some new non-kinky pics...

I recently went to a costume party. My costume was a Peacock.  I got a bit creative with the make up and plumes.  I took the plumes, glued the ends to needles, and had them NEEDLED to my back, and further held in place with surgical staples.  The following pics are of the make-up, the plumes in my back, a closeup of the needles and staples, and finally, the removal of them, which hurt waaaaaaaay more than the insertion did. But, I DID win the costume contest, so there's that.

The insertions.

The eye makeup. Yes, I did it all by myself. Not bad, eh?

Ouch!!  She had to adjust a staple. 

The completed look...

View from the back

A close-up

The removal.  The staples were really hard to remove since they were wrapped around the plume stem

Recently at a friends b-day party. I have a way with animals, I guess. 

Meet Elvis. My new pet. A baby ball python. 

Lots of masturbation lately....

My libido is in high gear from some reason. Not sure why. Maybe because of the parties I'm going to and the fun I'm having at said parties.  Who cares? There's lots of orgasms going around Casa Kincaid right now.

A couple new pics of me....

Ick.

Spending the day in bed watching "Never Mind the Buzzcocks" on YouTube.  I hate bronchitis. 

DL fun....

I had some fun with a frequent visitor this week. He loves his diapers and he's always lots of fun to play with.  I've been meaning to write about his sessions for awhile now, but I keep spacing them.  I'm looking forward to expanding my repertoire of AB/DL accessories.  Sometimes, the gentleness and nurturing that goes along with those sessions is a nice change from being harsh and/or sadistic.  

New pics of a recent playtime..

I had some big fun with this lovely lady at a recent play party.  Breast beating & then ass beating with floggers, whips, slappers, single-tails, and finally my 9-bladed Kitsune paddle.  It was AMAZING!!! She and I have played before, and she's always a joy.   I also played with 5 other people that night. I was exhausted.  But, after a migraine that lasted 3 weeks and landed me in the hospital, I needed the fun.