So, this morning, about an hour ago, I'm up, cleaning the kitchen. I hear my dog growling from the living room. I tell her to be quiet, but she keeps going. Not a typical obnoxious barking, but a low, long growl. I walk into the living room to see what the issue is. Her ears are laid back, and her teeth are bared as she looks out the window. I start to get a little uneasy, and go to the window to see for myself. There, in my front yard, standing with his back to the front window, swaying kinda to and fro, is a guy. About 5'6"-ish, with short black hair, and a ball cap of some sort. About 10 feet in front of my front door. My first thought? "Oh shit, zombie apocalypse!"(silly-I know-very few things freak me out, but the idea of zombies is one of them). I shake that thought off, because, zombies are just stories, right? RIGHT?? Anyway...I grab a baseball bat(cuz if it IS a zombie you have to destroy the brain), and s-l-o-w-l-y open my front door, keeping my dog inside (don't want her to bite him and get infected, too) and step out onto my front porch, bat at the ready, and say "hello?" whereupon the zombie spins around, startled, and promptly wets his pants. Yeah. Wet his pants. He stumbled towards me, whereupon I screamed like a little girl, backed up, slammed my front door, locked it, grabbed my cell, and called 911. Upon looking through my front window while speaking to the 911 operator, I decide that the unsteady interloper is not a zombie in need of a brain bashing before he infects the rest of the planet and/or tries to break thru my window and make a snack out of me, just some random guy who had too much to drink and wandered into my yard. When he started knocking on the door, I ignored him, and after a few minutes he must have decided that I wasn't really home, at which point, he stumbled over to the sidewalk, and laid down on it, after first stopping at ye olde recycle bin, and absconding with an empty Fila shoebox to use as a pillow.
The police arrived in short order, and woke the snoozing faux-zombie up. After smiling and laughing a lot while talking to him, they gently put him in the back of their car and drove off.
I live in a very quiet residential neighborhood, so this was quite a turn of events.
And, while the above story is true in all detail, I did purposely tell it in such a way as to hopefully elicit a chuckle from you on what is probably an otherwise shitty Monday morning..
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